Why I Struggled with Showering (And What It Taught Me About Self-Trust)

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes, 24 seconds.

I have something to confess — for the longest time, I had a weird resistance to showering. I know, it sounds strange. But I would actively avoid it, even though, ironically, the best ideas and epiphany moments happen to me in the shower.

Before stepping in, though? So. Much. Resistance.

People used to make fun of me for it—saying I must be smelly or dirty. On good days, I’d brush it off with a laugh, thinking, Eh, most people probably feel this way too; they just don’t admit it. I even owned it.

But then, during a conversation with my therapist, I realized there’s often a deeper meaning behind neglecting personal hygiene. It’s not always a direct cause-and-effect situation, but it can be a sign of struggling mental health.

If you can’t even take care of yourself, even in small ways like showering, it might reflect a deeper issue of self-care, self-love, and emotional well-being.

If someone around you casually mentions they don’t shower much—or if you notice signs of neglect—check in on them. Don’t immediately make fun of it. More often than not, something isn’t working for them, especially when it comes to their mental health.

"I just don’t feel like showering. I don’t have the energy to do it."

My therapist explained that this often becomes a cycle of broken promises to yourself. You say, “I’ll shower later.” But later never comes. And that doesn’t feel good—for your energy, your mood, or your self-trust.

So, how did this topic even come up with my therapist? I mean, I most definitely did not start our session with “I showered today”—though let’s be honest, that wouldn’t be totally out of character for me. But no, not this time.

It started when I told her I struggle with prioritizing my own tasks—something my husband has pointed out to me, time and time again.

At the time, I was going through some court matters, and yet I still chose to prioritize a weekly work meeting. A meeting that could easily have been postponed, or replaced with a simple update email. But I kept the meeting—and postponed meeting with my lawyer.

Sure, I knew avoidance was at play. But this isn’t a one-off. It’s a recurring theme in my life:
It’s always something else before me.

We dug deeper. And more things started to surface.
When someone else compliments me, it lands harder than when I compliment myself.
Same goes for criticism.

Then she asked me a question that completely shifted my paradigm:

“How much do your own words mean to you?”

I’ve always thought I was just a big procrastinator when it comes to showering. But this was more than showering and how it affected my words, my show up and my life. 

As she gently helped me connect the dots, it all boiled down to one thing:

Self-trust.

Imagine if it weren’t you breaking those promises—but a child.
Imagine it was your child or another person, hearing you say, “I’ll do it later,” only to watch it never happen.

How would they ever trust you again?

And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.
Whenever it’s time to shower, it’s always a “later”, “five more minutes,” then “just one more game,” or “3:15pm—I promise.”
Repeat.

Never immediate.
Never on the first promise.
Never on what I originally said.

And that’s why, deep down, I don’t even trust my own words or validation.
It’s why I’ve spent so long prioritizing others over myself—because my own words mean nothing to me, and I know it.

Start Small

But I argued with her, some days I REALLY REALLY can't, I just dont have the energy. So what can I do? 

She asked me, "What can you do right now, with the energy you have?"

• If you can’t shower, can you wash your face?
• Can you wash just your legs?
• Can you change your clothes?

I realized I do have a habit of changing clothes when I come home—switching from outside clothes to home clothes. That makes me feel clean. And she said, "Perfect. Start from there."

This advice—given to me three or four years ago—worked tremendously in helping me rebuild self-trust.
And with that, it changed me from the ground up.

I didn’t do it consciously, but through this shift, I unknowingly started making different decisions.
And with those decisions came a different way of showing up—new habits, and slowly, a different life.

And when you build self-trust, something shines from within: confidence.
It can’t be seen, but it can definitely be felt.
And somehow, that energy? It started attracting the right people and the right opportunities too.

Final Thought

At the end of the day, if someone isn’t taking care of their personal hygiene, don’t just assume it’s laziness. Instead of laughing it off, check in on them. Sure, if they’re in a good place, maybe you can joke about it. But know that behind these small things, there’s always a reason.

Also, go shower! 

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→ Related: The Hare and the Tortoise: A Lesson in Self-Sabotage